Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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