i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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