so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
