Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
