According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
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