Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
