for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
