shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
