With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
