i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
