You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
