heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
