I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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