My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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