I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
