Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
