the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
