Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
