I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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