But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
