i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
