what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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