Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
PANTIES FOUND
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