16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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