Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
