he shaved USA in his pubs
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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