she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
