Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
