Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
