I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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