is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
