Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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