dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
