Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
two words...techno handjob
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
