May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
