why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
