Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
