3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
