All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
