I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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