You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
