I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
