The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
