Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
