im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
