when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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