no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
