My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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