rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
