Im at strip club and am horny
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
