I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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