The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
