Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
