i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
