I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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