we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
